Tuesday, August 20, 2013

It's been a year

It's been a year.
A year since I last held my precious Logan, a year since I got to kiss his squishy cheeks, a year since I last smelled his sweet scent. And it hurts as much today as it did a year ago. Maybe more.
As I write this, I am still in awe that he's gone. I have wished every single one of the last 365 days that it wasn't true, that he was still here, that I could see his cockeyed grin, rock him to sleep or hear his sweet voice. But he's not. So here we are, faced with a momentous anniversary that I'm not quite sure how to handle.

We have plans to enjoy the day as a family, to do some things we did with Logan and to carry on some little traditions we started as ways to remember the mark he etched on our hearts. It will hurt, but I have to keep reminding myself that I don't ever want the hurt to go away. It's part of remembering him, and I'd rather hurt than not have the memories of the short time we did have together. 
Amidst the grief and the sadness however, there is joy. Not happiness, but true joy. Logan is healed. He is no longer suffering the cruelties of our human flesh. He is running, playing and getting to experience things in heaven so wonderful that our feeble little minds cannot begin to comprehend. Oh, how that makes this mommy's heart leap! I am so ready to get there too, so I can see it for myself!
It brings me joy to know that he is home, where he was created to be. I said early on in this journey that Logan was not made for this world. None of us are. We are created for a very specific purpose. Logan just fulfilled his in 23 short months. He led people to his Maker. And that's what we are all ultimately here on earth to do, to live a life that points others to God, while keeping our focus on heaven. 
Thank you for walking this journey with us, for encouraging us and grieving with us. We thank God for you!

5 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your honesty and heartache with us. May God bless you deeply, Karlee.

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  3. Thinking about Logan and celebrating that sweet boy. Sending you an extra dose of prayers, comfort and love today. Love, Sara Smith

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  4. Your strength continues to inspire!

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  5. I don't know if a day goes by that I don't think of your sweet family. I only know you through this blog and we attended your benefit, but I pray for you all every day. We will never forget that adorable boy.

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